For the Love of God, Nobody Mention To Her That Wednesday is Humpday

Politics & Current Events, WTF?

Via Jonathan Turley, I encountered the elsewhere-freakish but Florida-mundane story of state senator Larcenia Bullard (D-Miami, via deep space). Bullard became agitated during a Florida legislative debate over a bestiality law. Florida does not have a current bestiality law, apparently. I'm not entirely sure, based on my familiarity with Florida, that this is a bad thing; I'm not sure that they should be excluding some of the smarter animals from their potential gene pool. (No offense, there, Marc Randazza.)

Anyway, Bullard became agitated when someone used the term "animal husbandry":

Rich's legislation would target only those who derived or helped others derive "sexual gratification" from an animal, specifying that conventional dog-judging contests and animal-husbandry practices are permissible.

That last provision tripped up Miami Democratic Sen. Larcenia Bullard.

"People are taking these animals as their husbands? What's husbandry?" she asked. Some senators stifled their laughter as Sen. Charlie Dean, an Inverness Republican, explained that husbandry is raising and caring for animals. Bullard didn't get it.

"So that maybe was the reason the lady was so upset about that monkey?" Bullard asked, referring to a Connecticut case where a woman's suburban chimpanzee went mad and was shot.

Yes, the federal government has grown increasingly law-encrusted. But bear in mind that most of the laws that govern your everyday life, determine how your children are educated, and limit how you can run your business are debated and passed by state and local politicians like Larcenia Bullard. So ask yourself — do the anarchists still seem so silly?

Edit: Cappy, a commenter over at The Agitator, points out that Bullard is the Vice-Chair of the Agricultural Committee and a former teacher. That makes this even more awesome.

Last 5 posts by Ken White



  1. shg  •  Mar 13, 2009 @9:00 am

    It's people like you who make horticulturalists sound dirty. I used to be a part-time Armadillo breeder just to bring a little pleasure into their lives. Is that so wrong?

  2. Patrick  •  Mar 13, 2009 @9:15 am

    This should go down in infamy with the DC-Niggardly flap, but it won't because the pro-bestiality community lacks a media voice.

  3. Ken  •  Mar 13, 2009 @9:21 am

    I was far too chicken to reference the "niggardly" flap in my title.

  4. Common Reader  •  Mar 13, 2009 @10:20 am

    So ask yourself — do the anarchists still seem so silly?

    Yes, because even dour vegans with poor personal hygiene living in squats could oust idiots like Sen. Bullard if they just tried. They won't try, therefore they are silly.

  5. Patrick  •  Mar 13, 2009 @10:41 am

    Can they, Common Reader?

    The continued viability of people like Senator Barbara Mikulksi (D-Md), a wretched cretin, and Sam Brownback (R-Kansas), an utter fool, convinces me that in some states incumbency and party identification make it impossible to oust a sitting legislator. The voters are idiots. There's no cure for stupidity.

    What I always wonder, when I read the exploits of people like Barbara Boxer or my old, late Senator Jesse Helms, is how they got there in the first place. Presumably there were plenty of smart competitors who could have stopped them on they way.

    Or to pick another example from North Carolina (the state whose politics I know best), how did John East, a man addicted to narcotics with politics to the right of Lew Rockwell, beat Robert Morgan, an effective senator and one of the most decent men I've ever known, in 1980? Because people were hitting straight-ticket (R) to punish Jimmy Carter, rather than thinking about their votes.

    And that's just the US Senate. In the House, and state legislatures, there's gerrymandering to contend with.

  6. Jag  •  Mar 13, 2009 @10:43 am

    No one mentioned Sen. Bullards attempt to tack an anti-rhinoplasty amendment onto the legislation. Oh why won't anyone think of the Rhinos?

  7. Scott Jacobs  •  Mar 13, 2009 @11:52 am

    See, you people just don't get the subtle humor…

    All she was doing was showing everyone her Emily Litella impression…

  8. Spidergrackle  •  Mar 13, 2009 @12:20 pm

    "Larcenia"? Someone actually named their child that?

  9. exileguy  •  Mar 13, 2009 @12:39 pm

    It just goes to show that in a participatory democracy, anyone with a little dough can be elected, and in some places its probably better if they never engage their brain. Time to add some chlorine to the gene pool.

  10. Joel Rosenberg  •  Mar 13, 2009 @12:56 pm

    We all live in the shadow of Tom Lehrer.

    Now, I'm sure you're all aware that this week is national
    gall-bladder week. So as sort of an educational feature at
    this point I thought I would acquaint you with some of the
    results of my recent researches into the career of the late
    doctor Samuel Gall, inventor of the gall-bladder. Which
    certainly ranks as one of the more important technological
    advances since the invention of the joy-buzzer and the
    dribble-glass. Doctor Gall's faith in his invention was so
    dramatically vindicated last year, as you no doubt recall,
    when, for the first time in history, in a nation-wide poll
    the gall-bladder was voted among the top ten organs. His
    educational career began interestingly enough in agricultural
    school, where he majored in animal husbandry, until they
    caught him at it one day.

    Whereupon he switched to the field of medicine in which field
    he also won renown as the inventor of gargling. Which prior
    to that time had been practiced only furtively by a remote
    tribe in the Andes who passed the secret down from father to
    son as part of their oral tradition. He soon became a
    specialist, specializing in diseases of the rich. He was
    therefore able to retire at an early age. To the land we all
    dream about, sunny Mexico of course. The last part of which
    is completely irrelevant, as with the whole thing I guess,
    except, it's a rather sneaky way of getting into this next
    type of popular song which is one of those things about that
    magic, and romantic land south of the border.

  11. Common Reader  •  Mar 13, 2009 @1:08 pm

    Can they, Common Reader?

    Not with that attitude!

  12. Calladus  •  Mar 13, 2009 @1:13 pm

    Obviously she refused to be trained in a pedagogical manner… because she believes it's immoral to abuse children, you know?

  13. Marc J. Randazza  •  Mar 13, 2009 @1:38 pm

    Ha! No offense taken at all! I wrote about this issue in April. And there is a reason why I tagged it with the Flori-duh tag.

    I wholeheartedly agree that if you could get an animal pregnant by fucking it, Florida's collective intelligence and genetic quality would be increased by these peckerwoods cross breeding with woodchucks. The problem is, most Floridians (especially anyone from Baldwin, Florida or Polk County, Florida) would only fuck an animal if it was already related to them.

  14. AC  •  Mar 13, 2009 @6:11 pm

    I'm thinking that we need a national test for politicians – to weed out the complete morons. An IQ test – minimum score determined by the scope of office. Local politics: 110; county politics: 120; State politics: 140; National politics: 160. Just think how much better off we would all be. Of course, Florida would likely be unable to fill *any* elected office if such a test existed. Maybe Florida should revert to being a Federal Territory, and Obama can appoint a military governor – maybe somebody from Microsoft or the RIAA?

  15. RWW  •  Mar 13, 2009 @6:46 pm

    …and Obama can appoint a military governor…

    Obama's IQ isn't even close to 160.

  16. ACH  •  Mar 13, 2009 @7:07 pm
  17. PLW  •  Mar 14, 2009 @4:24 am

    I think its an interesting hypothesis that we'd be better off with smarter politicians.

  18. FlaLawLady  •  Mar 14, 2009 @6:53 am

    I'm pretty sure that marriage between a human and an animal is not illegal here in Florida as long as they not the same sex.

  19. David  •  Mar 14, 2009 @9:43 am

    “Larcenia”? Someone actually named their child that?

    She was named in honor of the man who stole her mother's heart.

  20. Judas Peckerwood  •  Mar 14, 2009 @12:01 pm

    “Larcenia”? Someone actually named their child that?

    Moronia would have been a better choice.

  21. ice9  •  Mar 14, 2009 @4:17 pm

    It's not the stupidity, it's the bewilderment. Perhaps in Florida, like in California, legislators do nothing except guard against voting for measures that could be construed as relating to gay marriage. That's where we are: you can seem stupid, out of touch, violently crazy, and utterly unsuited to any of your positions past or present–but you can't condone any gayness. To the point where pseudo-gayness counts with a straight face.


  22. jwk  •  Mar 14, 2009 @6:04 pm

    Or the man that stole her mother's car…

  23. BG  •  Mar 14, 2009 @8:58 pm

    PLW, I am with you there. Would much rather have a huge dose of common sense than a high IQ in my representatives. We can't seem to get that in our local politicians. I am not in Florida but we do have Dennis Kucinich and used to have Jim Traficant (he supposedly moved back to Youngstown a few days ago but no one seems to have reported it :) There are plenty of political nuts to go around.

  24. Joseph  •  Mar 15, 2009 @7:45 pm

    Husbandry and husband have the same root, because the words date back to centuries ago when the patriarch of the household ruled it. Both implied managing others and looking over them.

  25. Jace  •  Mar 17, 2009 @10:05 am

    At this point, I'm not certain we wouldn't be better off going back to being a Spanish territory! I do agree, though, that common sense is preferable to IQ in a politician.

  26. Amy Sterling Casil  •  Jun 16, 2009 @9:28 pm

    Thanks for drawing my attention to this, Ken. I think she has the perfect name for her job. I can't imagine her doing any other job with a name like that.

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