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I Perambulated To The Doorway And Ingressed

Feb 4, 2009
By .
Humor, Language

I have actually heard a cop say that.  It means, "I walked through the door."  The cop was my client (I defend them in civil suits from time to time).  Fortunately we were just preparing for his deposition, so I was able to prevent him from actually testifying in this pseudo-military Alpha-Bravo-Charliespeak.

I think that the cop tradition of speaking in this fashion, sorry, talking this way, comes from a mix of dealing with lawyers, an envy of the military (where this sort of jargon and four-letter-words seem to vie for supremacy), and Jack Webb.

This was brought to mind by a hilariously entertaining article by Val Van Brocklin, entitled "Cops Talk Funny, And It's Hurting Their Credibility In Court." I agree.  A few samples:

  • He indicated… He said
  • I have been employed by… I worked for
  • I exited the patrol vehicle… I got out of the car
  • I observed… I saw
  • I ascertained the location of the residence… I found the house
  • I proceeded to the vicinity of… I went to
  • I approached the entrance… I went to the door
  • The subject approached me… She came up to me
  • I apprehended the perpetrator… I arrested the man
  • I obtained an item that purported to be an envelope from the individual… I got the envelope from her
  • I observed the subject fleeing on foot from the location… I saw him running away

I'd add that young lawyers are equally prone to this vice, and some of them never grow out of it.  Read the whole thing.

Thanks to Legal Antics for the tip, and the funny headline, "Silly Cops-big words are for lawyers" Legal Antics earns a spot on the coveted Popehat blogroll.

Last 5 posts by Patrick

8 Comments
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8 Comments

  1. Patrick  •  Feb 4, 2009 @6:33 pm

    Of course, a hard-core cop would have called the doorway an aperture.

  2. KipEsquire  •  Feb 4, 2009 @6:55 pm

    I challenge anyone to find a single example of a bona fide use of the word "furtive" other than a cop testifying that the defendant "made a furtive gesture…"

  3. Bruce  •  Feb 5, 2009 @2:31 am

    Where is decamped?

    The local radio has an early morning police report and one of the old school PR cops loves this stuff.

    "The suspect decamped in a southerly direction".

    I love Sen-Constable Wayne Wilson.

  4. TJIC  •  Feb 5, 2009 @6:39 am

    It seems that every time I see a cop on TV, they utter the phrase "traveling at a high rate of speed".

    I always wonder what "rate of" adds to the equation.

    It has also been my misfortune to read lots of weight lifting books and articles, and I see tons of verbal pomposity there by anyone who has a bachelors in Physiology or Exercise Business or whatever. It's never "a routine" – it's "an exercise modality".

    I've got some slight data that says that Education PhDs are the worst at this.

    I think it happens when someone is just bright / educated enough to know that language can impress, but not bright / educated enough to know that clarity impresses more.

    The book Class makes the point that there is an upwards ramp in complexity, ornament, display, etc. across lots of areas as folks earn more money and come from higher status backgrounds … up until the top tier or two, where the pretensions are given a rest. Examples include:

    low class: house
    middle class: home
    high class: house

    low class: car
    middle class: limo
    high class: car (As in "Mike, please bring the car around front")

    etc.

  5. Eduardo  •  Feb 5, 2009 @8:59 am

    I read Richard J. Daley's biography, "Boss," and in it they describe the shift from "I nailed the bum in the head with my blackjack" to "I struck the perpetrator in the cranium with my melee weapon" kind of talk as a way to convey professionalism and an air of legitimate authority, which the police did not have in Chicago. A perambulator is somebody who knows what he's talking about.

    This all started here after a ring of jewel thieves turned out to be cops. Oh, and the police riot in '68. And the murder of Fred Hampton.

    I can't remember all the specifics, but it was interesting. It's a good book to understand Chicago and even where Obama is coming from.

  6. David  •  Feb 5, 2009 @9:43 am

    "… in search of some cheesy comestibles."

  7. Bob  •  Feb 5, 2009 @10:03 am

    I proceeded to the vicinity of the baked-comestibles retailer. I exited my government vehicle and perambulated to the establishment's aperture. I ingressed. I indicated to the retail employee that I would like a compressed-sugar-flecked baked-comestible infused with a congealed sugar and cream mixture.
    …
    'gads I can't go on.

  8. pagantemple  •  Feb 5, 2009 @8:23 pm

    The things in the list are all understandable, at least, but that title is just incomprehensible. I bet nobody would know what that meant.