I am very fond of wi-fi, more so now that I have my newest tech fetish, the iPhone. It frees me to lounge about wherever I like and use the laptop or the iPhone, rather than sitting at my desk.

However, not everyone is pleased with it, even when it is free. Now, this is nothing new. We've already discussed Americans who believe that wi-fi makes their thumbs tingle and such. But in the green and pleasant land of England, wi-fi presents even more of a hazard. It kills fairies.

"This place is not appropriate for a Wi-Fi trial," resident Linda Taylor tells the local Fosse Way magazine. "People are complaining of headaches, tingling skin among other symptoms. This makes me wonder what is it doing to the children."

Thought by many to be the burial place of the mythic King Arthur, Glastonbury's year-round population of 9,000 swells to about 150,000 every June when the mammoth Glastonbury Festival three-day rock concert occupies a nearby field.

"I don't want my son exposed to risk 24 hours a day, including at his primary school, which is within the Wi-Fi zone," yoga teacher Natalie Fee tells London's Telegraph. "I would be failing in my duty as a parent if I did."

Let's pause for a moment to appreciate Fox's light touch with the dog-whistle identification of Fee as a yoga instructor. Anyway, on to the fairies:

One man has even begun making orgone generators, which use crystals, semi-precious stones and gold to purportedly put out positive energy to combat the negative vibes flooding the town from the Wi-Fi base stations.

"I have given a number of generators to shops in the High Street and hidden others in bushes in the immediate vicinity of the antennae. That way you can bring back the balance," Matt Todd told the Telegraph. "The science hasn't really got into the mainstream because the government won't make decisions which will affect big business, even if it concerns everyone's health."

Todd says the Wi-Fi network is weakening the ley lines, supposed invisible webs of energy running through the landscape that the Druids and other ancient Britons are said to have been well aware of.

Now, not all Glastonbury residents are indulging in eccentric English magic-based opposition. Some of them argue based on good old American junk science:

Others Glastonburians say their levels of melatonin, a hormone that regulates sleep and is seen as a wonder drug by natural-health types, have been all out of whack since the Wi-Fi network went on.

"The pulsed microwaves feed the pineal gland with false information," local Jacqui Roberts tells the Western Daily Press. "Melatonin fights the free radicals and cancer-producing cells."

And then there's the libertarian argument:

At a raucous town council meeting in late November, one official had to admit that in the six months since the network, which costs about $15,000 per year to operate, had gone on, only 422 people had used it.

I hope that doesn't mean only 422 instances of use, which would be pretty pathetic. Don't they have coffee shops? Or does that mean that 422 people have used it regularly? That's $35 per person for year for wi-fi, which is pretty sweet. Why can't those people pool resources and pay for town-wide wi-fi themselves? You could easily limit use via individual passcodes. I would certainly pay $35 per year for wi-fi throughout my town. Even if a mystical woodland creature croaked every time I updated my Facebook status.

Via.

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