I am not svelte. However, I do not yet require two airplane seats to fly. People with a penchant for algorithmic progression who look at pictures of me circa 1991 and then 2008 may conclude that I will reach that stage sometime in the next decade, though. If that happens, and the traveling spirit strikes me, I ought to go to Canada. Because there, apparently, I would be legally entitled to two airline seats for the price of one, if I can’t fit into just one.

Because clearly, in some cosmic sense, it is the airlines’ fault that I can eat an entire large pizza in one sitting.

No word yet if legal norms in Canada require the airlines to bring me a steady stream of peanuts and cream sodas and wipe my enormous mouth with hot towels from First Class while I go NOM NOM NOM NOM.

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