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Not Only That, But It Could Tear Off Your JOHNSON!!!

Sep 2, 2008
By Patrick.
WTF?

Like a good nanny, the federal government is never ashamed of itself.  You must be protected, for your own good, no matter how many people out there enjoy cheap laughs at the government’s expense.  And all the while, public respect for the laws that actually matter diminishes.

What is the government protecting us from now?  Cheap, imported penis pumps, that’s what.

The use of penis enlargers and erection maintaining rings may have harmful effects. They may aggravate existing medical conditions such a Pegronies[sic] disease, priapism, and urethral stricture. They may contuse or cause rupture of the subcutaneous blood vessels, which may produce hemorrhage and hematoma formation. Additionally, frequent use of erection maintaining rings may result in ecchymosis of the proximal portion of the penis and scrotum, and the lymphatic stasis of the penis. Prolonged use of the rings may cause gangrene of the penis.

Because no one ever suffered a gangrenous wang after overusing an FDA-approved, government-certified, genuine American penis sucking machine.

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2 Comments

  1. Sarkus  •  Sep 2, 2008 @5:28 pm

    Very odd. There is a pump product that advertises on late-night TV that claims it is covered by medicare and that it is the only ED solution that is (in other words, the pills aren’t covered.)

    Not that it would be the first time the one arm of the Feds said one thing while another said the opposite. :-)

  2. Patrick  •  Sep 2, 2008 @5:38 pm

    I mentioned this at Marc Randazza’s site, but it’s actually common for board-certified urologists to prescribe these devices for their male patients who suffer from spinal injuries. These devices are the closest hope a paraplegic has to anything resembling a sex life as you and I know it.

    It’s pretty awful to talk about. I’ve discussed it with several urologists, on the record for litigation purposes, and always come away depressed despite having very little empathy for others’ pain.

    And, as though male paraplegics don’t have enough problems, now the government wants to ban the only way that these men, many of whom are married or the like, and whose wives or partners stay with them, can get an erection.

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