Convicted hedge fund fraud artist and swindler Samuel Israel III was recaptured today, despite a comically botched fake suicide designed to throw authorities off Israel's trail.

Clues that led authorities to suspect Israel wasn't dead were many: he left no body behind for one. For another, typically people who overdose on prescription pain relievers don't wander far, or jump from bridges after overdosing, as Israel wished the government to think he'd done.

But it was plagiarism that caught the criminal:

On the day that he was to report, Mr. Israel’s abandoned GMC Envoy was found along a shoulder of the Bear Mountain Bridge near the Hudson River with the message “suicide is painless” written in dust on the hood. The keys and a bottle of pills were still in the car.

When Mr. Israel’s body failed to turn up and the message turned out to be the theme song of ”M*A*S*H,” the authorities began to suspect he was on the run.

Perhaps if Israel had written the lyrics to "Fly Me To The Moon," we'd be searching the asteroid fields for his body.

Last 5 posts by Patrick

• It's The Most Wonderful Time Of The Year - January 2nd, 2012
• Finally, An "Occupy Fucktard Street" Protest For All The Fucktards Who've Been Feeling Left Out - December 29th, 2011
• Notice The "Weyland" Corporation Patch? - December 26th, 2011
• WTT: One Vote, From An Iowa Liberal Democrat - December 23rd, 2011
• Damn And Blast - December 2nd, 2011