Assuming that the first time was fun but also awkward, scary, and perhaps painful. It’s the Bad Sex In Literary Fiction Awards.

I’m a fan of bad writing contests and awards, which remind me of my own output. But I’d never come across this particular award until today. Here’s a taste from one of the shortlisted passages for 2007:

It did not take nearly as long as Cyprian would have wished. He had grown fond over the years of preliminaries but now was able to get in no more than a few trailing tongue-kisses, a quick electrifying blink or two from his long eyelashes to the underside of the heated organ before hearing Yashmeen’s command, “Quickly now. Into his mouth Reef in one stroke, no more, and then you must be perfectly still and allow this wicked little fellatrice to do all the work. And you, Cyprian, when he spends you must not swallow any of it, you must keep it all in your mouth, is that understood?” By now she could barely maintain the tone of command, having aroused herself with kid-gloved fingers busy at clitoral bud and parted labia now sleekly framed among the foam of lace around her hips. “You are both my … my…” She could not quite pursue her thought, as Reef, having lost all control, came bursting in a great pungent flood, which Cyprian did his best to accommodate as he had been ordered to.

All the funnier because these are important writers with important things to say, except when it comes to awkward sex. Past winners whose excerpts are available at the linked site include luminaries like Wolfe and Mailer. Both, I assure you, well deserved their awards.

Via Fatale Abstraction.

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