People who practice in federal court are swiftly divided into two categories: those smart enough to treat the court clerks and court reporters decently, and those who find themselves painfully screwed over.

Courtesy of Dave, a regular commenter here, meet a defendant who didn’t appreciate that distinction before, but sure does now.

Dave pointed me to a transcript posted at Above the Law. The transcript documents what happens when one Victor Wright, a defendant charged in federal court in Brooklyn, attacks the AUSA with a razor, possibly as a result of being teased by the clerk. Click on the thumbnail to read:

“Whereupon there was screaming” would be a great name for a legal thriller.

Anyway, just about everyone leaps on the defendant to protect the AUSA, including the 72-year-old defense lawyer and the 60-year-old court reporter. And did you think that clerks and court reporters can’t trash talk? Boy, were you wrong:

There are a number of wondrous things about this:

• The judge takes off and slinks back later, but the court reporter throws down.
• The court reporter dutifully issues a transcript of the complete event, including the swearing and carrying-on.
• The brief transcript includes an index, which by necessity includes most known variations on “fuck.”

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