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This Has to Be in the Book of Revelation Somewhere ….

Jan 29, 2008
By .
Food, WTF?

So I'm cruising the internet, minding my own business, when I stumble across this item:

 Cheeseburger in a fricken' Can!!!

 Yes ladies and gentlemen, it's true, millenia of scientific achievement have transported us to the place where one can now purchase a cheeseburger in a fricken' can!!!!  I mean, for real?!?  A cheeseburger in a can?  That's actually worse than a whole chicken in a can, which I had previously believed to be the pinacle of canned vileness.  Did somebody set this up as some kind of European challenge?  You know guys, we've let the Americans become the world leaders in sucking the nutrition, flavor, and joy out of food, and I don't think we should put up with that shit any more.  I mean, we make really disgusting food, but it's okay, because it's normally fresh.  But imagine a world where you can now purchase cannedhead cheese or blood sausage.  Oooh, oooh!, you know what would really hurt them?  We'll CAN a HAMBURGER!  That will hit them where they live.  SCREW YOU BUSH!!!!

 I'm off to order some of these now to send as Christmas gifts to opposing counsel next year ….

Last 5 posts by Jesse

6 Comments
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6 Comments

  1. Patrick  •  Jan 29, 2008 @12:52 pm

    But does the hot side stay hot, and does the cool side stay cool?

  2. Ken  •  Jan 29, 2008 @12:53 pm

    Riding out the Apocalypse in my basement just got a little more delicious.

  3. Grandy  •  Jan 29, 2008 @1:09 pm

    So what's in the can? Because it ain't what's pictured next to the can.

  4. Ezra  •  Jan 29, 2008 @5:47 pm

    Funny, it's a german camping site that sells all sorts of strange food for camping (pemmican? With garlic?) The really horrifying thing is that the cheeseburger is in their between meal times section. Now that's a hearty snack!

  5. Clint  •  Jan 30, 2008 @1:14 am

    We live in a world where canned clam+tomato juice exists and it's canned whole chicken and canned cheeseburgers that rank higher (or lower) on the vileness scale? I thought I knew you, man.

  6. Jesse  •  Jan 30, 2008 @1:22 pm

    Clamato? You think Clamato is the worst think you can put in a can? Throw in some vodka, some horseradish, worcestershire sauce, etc., and you'll have yourself a fine Bloody Mary. What the hell are you going to do with a Cheeseburger in a fricken can? Can you even imagine what that must smell like? *shudder*