Now, after about two months of life at this new site, we're starting to get some interesting search engine hits. So it's time to revive one of my favorite features, "The Road To Popehat," in which I review the bizarre search engine queries that some of you use to get here.

• "penguins": 223 hits. 38% of all search hits. About 9% of all site traffic. 99% new hits. 9 seconds average time on site. Seriously. What. The Fuck? This was amusing before, but now it's starting to creep me the hell out. Are there penguin search bots? A Ron Paulian society scouring the web for defamatory penguin references? A vast array of penguin fetishists of which I was naively (and quite blissfully) unaware?
• "ron paul" (and variations thereon) (40+ hits): Look, there's nothing for you people here. This is strictly a penguin blog. We only talked about Dr. Paul because someone said he was sympathetic to those fucking polar bears.
• "'freedom in America' Mitt Romney": nearly as popular as "'good hair' Donald Trump"
• "facts about terrorism": We've got plenty of feelings here. All tapped out on facts, sorry.
• "is mike huckabee a freemason": Yes. And he rides a black helicopter to work. Hurry up now, militia members. You're going to be late for prancing around the woods in the cammies you bought out of the Montgomery Ward catalogue.
• "'ron paul' blimp map": Oh, the humanity.
• "america wary of mormon intent": I like to think that this worried person bled out the ears upon reading the actual content of this site.
• "barbara eden in underwear": That's got to be a search hit on one of Ezra's posts.
• "bullshit me": You're in the right place, my friend.
• "comments on the sistine chapel painting": Um … pretty?
• "does hollywood effect politics": Now I know how Rush Limbaugh's team researches his little talks.
• "huckabee freemason": No, really. You're going to be late. All the other guys have already started talking about ZOG and gun racks and everything.
• "ron paul blimp for real": Gloriously, yes.
• "what does hollywood bring to people": Herpes.

Stay tuned for next time.

Last 5 posts by Ken

• Citizen Incredulity And Law Enforcement Reality - May 2nd, 2012
• Regarding The Obvious Dangers Of Anal Artillery - May 1st, 2012
• Debate Is Fine. Even Ridicule Is Fine. Threats Are Unacceptable. - April 27th, 2012
• Occasionally My Timing Is Less Than Optimal - April 26th, 2012
• How Not To Draft A Probable Cause Affidavit - April 13th, 2012