I’m so glad that I found your blog again. I think that no matter what, your children will be disappointed by something you do while raising them. I am not adopted, but I am mixed race, and I am married to someone who is mixed race, and I grew up with a lot of first generation Asian Americans. Being that I am now almost 30, I know a lot of 30 year old first generation Asian Americans, and a few international or otherwise cross ethnic adoptees. There is no right way to raise your kids, except to be open to letting them learn what they seem interested in learning. Even families where everyone is the same ethnicity have assimilation disagreements.

Personally, I am strongly against weekend language schools, because I hated going. Except when we learned to do the dances. That was fun. But language school sucked big time since we didn’t speak Chinese at home.

[...] Adult Adoptees Late to the Party Surprise – The NY Times is filled with Red Thread Ladybug Arses NYT Adoption Blog Salts Wounds In International Adoption Community Adoptees Are Not Your Therapists Appalling Tama Janowitz, let me introduce you to Dear [...]

I wonder if the discourse will be different in even a small way about 10 or 20 years from now? All of our friends in the adoptive community make serious efforts to incorporate birth culture in their family, and in more than a passing way. We have all made choices to live in non-majority-white communities specifically for our daughters. We also are able to discuss the issues a lot more than perhaps in the past. Let’s hope the dialogue leads to more healing and more comfort on the part of adoptees and adoptive parents.

[...] couple of days ago I blogged about the NYT’s new adoption blog and how it illuminated various sore points in the international adoption [...]

I’m not sure where you’re getting this from, Ken. I think we are all just doing the best we can as A-parents. It ain’t a constest!

“I have to hold on to the fact that it’s not all about me. My kids aren’t obligated to live their lives to make me comfortable. The adult adoptees with controversial views aren’t obligated to adjust their attitude or keep quiet to make their own parents or the adoption community as a whole comfortable.”

I love this. I completely agree.

And, BTW, I think Tama Janowitz is a moron. Even if she is trying to be funny, as I said on my own blog, it is never okay to use a child’s adopted status against them. The idea that they should be grateful is wrong, joke or no joke!

BINGO!